The Stool Pigeon

I Can See Clearly Now

2009-07-15T16:10:00.002-04:00

Friends of The Stool Pigeon might wonder during visionary moments "Why stop at see-through bathroom walls? When will clear toilets follow?"

Yes it's real. No you can't have one, yet. It's a trade show prototype. But only for now. This is the dawning of the age of Aquariyuck.

Look at that sexy plumbing. This tell-all commode reminds me of my Tupperware and how little time it takes for it to become permanently stained. Parents of toddlers might do well to invest in a mini version, for those proud photo uploads to Facebook.

How Much Is That Potty In The Window?

2009-07-06T20:05:00.002-04:00

Good that we have a wrap-around shop window here, so that when room service brings that bucket of bubbly, he or she can be treated to the sight of you at work on your bikini shaving. Maybe Ivy's staff is trained to give helpful intimate grooming tips.

"You can avoid those little red bumps you've got by shaving with the grain of the hair."

...and behind Door Number 2...

2009-06-24T16:50:00.002-04:00

If one absolutely must have a glass bathroom door, which specific bathroom necessity would one logically put directly in front of it? I have to put on my face-punchingly hip interior designer hat to figure that out.

Would it be the sink, where the user's back would be turned to the viewer at the door? Or the innocuous towel cabinet? Maybe even a flirtatious peek of the bathtub? Nononono, you hopeless style bumpkin! The toilet goes there, of course! Squarely facing the crystal clear door. This fosters well-mannered household communication. Instead of yelling rudely through an opaque door, the person on the outside can simply mouth "How much f*cking longer are you going to be in there?" and have his or her words lip-read by the seated occupant.

Firewater!

2009-06-19T16:25:00.003-04:00

Okay, just don't even look at the potty playing peek-a-boo at far right. I WANT TO BE IN THAT SHOWER RIGHT NOW! A fireplace?! And up to 10 showerheads simultaneously raining warmth and joy from all directions? Can't talk now, getting naked...

A design firm in King-Of-Prussia PA offers this to their wealthy clientelle, and it goes by the undeservedly low-brow name "car wash shower." Move over cars, I am turning on every nozzle and setting the water pressure to "stun." Each one of those inset black squares is a shower nozzle. I don't see a drain anywhere, so maybe it drains by elven magic.

When Mr. Hopper and I take our shower, we lament having only one nozzle, and having to do the your-turn-my-turn routine. This is the first thing ever to appear in this blog that I simply can't snark upon. But at least there's the robot toilet with sensors that open the lid when you approach, and flush/close when you leave. Way to foster lazy lav habits. Requisite snark out of the way, everyone in the shower!

What's Missing?

2009-06-18T12:19:00.005-04:00

This cheerless and utilitarian booth from a design firm in Paddington NSW is clearly a showroom model. Let's grab our crayons and draw in, presumably on the floor since there's no shelving, what we'd see if we had a photo of a typical-use home installed model:

-Damp towels
-Pile-up of empty shampoo and conditioner bottles in shower
-4-pack of TP with one roll half used
-Tampon box
-Crusty toothbrush cup
-Hardened loofah sponge
-Embarrassing ointments
-Stack of year-old magazines
-Near-empty pump bottle of hand soap with water added to extend life

Oh, why go on? Opaque bathroom walls were invented not just for privacy, but to spare those outside the bathroom the sight of our homely but necessary stuff.

One Is A Lonely Number

2009-06-15T17:57:00.003-04:00

Here we have a design for a wee studio apartment intended for an occupant who lives alone. Everything in one small yet understatedly elegant room. On the one side of the room we find the necessaries, lined up neatly in a row. Across the room we find the sleeping area and recessed kitchenette. The lone occupant can be free of space-severing internal walls, creating the illusionary feeling of a roomier abode. Oh Pavel, how inclusive of you to design for people who have no friends!

Yet we have the difficult conundrum this establishes for our bachelor or bachelorette. He or she would like, ever so much, to find friends, and maybe even that special someone. But, should that actually come to pass, and invitation over would eventually be expected. What to do then?

The Stool Pigeon recommends a Japanese folding screen and a can of Glade.

Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

2009-06-10T14:09:00.004-04:00

Not having context leaves us with some uncomfortable mysteries about this strange pair of glass-enclosed chambers. On the right we have our visi-loo, with a "privacy" partition seemingly on the wrong side of the toilet. On the left we have a lumpy futon. But what to make of the eeire emerald lighting? I don't want to see anyone who put their makeup on in there. Looks like the staff had to quickly grab a replacement lamp from the Red Room. How curious, but no longer really surprising, the way the chambers seem to be facing onto a public corridor. And most importantly, what's behind the curtain? You want to find somewhere else to stay, Dorothy. And your little dog, too.

Goodnight Moon

2009-06-07T18:38:00.004-04:00

Great cookout, Ralph! Thanks for inviting us!

Sure thing! Great turn-out, eh? Still pretty crowded out back by the fire pit.

So, was the house like this when you bought it? The bathroom, I mean?

That? No, we put it in custom. A fella's gotta have some reading light in the morning, right?

Um, well, you're design expert, I guess! *ahem*

Welp, better get this chlorine washed off.

I think we'll just go around front...

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2009-06-07T18:19:00.007-04:00

The only way these photos from the restaurant lavatory of the Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand could be any better is if they could talk.

"Hi, little man! What's that you have there? Ooh, I need to lean in closer. Oh my, I think I know! Isn't that soooo cutesy wootsy! I just want to tie a little red bow around it. And look, my friend is taking your picture. Smile! Hey...wait...come back! Really, I like you! Where are you going? OH NO YOU DIDN'T just take a leak in the sink! Pig! Just wait 'til I tell all the girls!"

Where The Night Lasts Forever

2009-06-05T16:51:00.003-04:00

Look very closely....can you see the toilet and bidet in the cool, enshrouding blackness of this somber comfort chamber? Can you make out the faint contours of the two sinks, like unto morose pools of tears in this open floor plan expression of the designer's nightshade-poisoned soul? Can you even tell there's an image posted above?

One wonders how efficient flossing could possibly be in here. What it lacks in enclosure it makes up for in dim recessed lighting from Ikea, no doubt very forgiving after an absinthe or three. Jet black toilet paper exists -- The Stool Pigeon has seen it. I want to gaze into one of those mirrors and softly chant "Candyman...Candyman...Candyman...."

Jungle Love

2009-06-03T17:12:00.005-04:00

Cool! Babe, look, there's a monkey drinking out of the toilet!

Actually, it's eating the frogs out of it. I hate this place.

Aw, come on! You wanted a honeymoon in the tropics! Here you go, bamboo forest and all. Who else would ever give you something like this?

I WANTED to stay at a normal resort! A centipede bit me in the shower yesterday...

But that green tree snake was freakin' killer!

Everyone told me not to marry a douchebag.

Insert Card For Access

2009-06-03T16:49:00.004-04:00

The only seemingly belonging convenience I don't see in this bathroom is an ATM. But since it's a home improvement work in progress, that's possibly in the plans. Just relocate the towel rack, and transactions could be conducted while multi-tasking on the john. A mop closet might be helpful following curtain-free shower time. This bathroom doesn't quite make the upscale cut because there's no bidet. Unless the whirlpool has an equivalent feature. The whole thing begs for a nautical themed Soap-On-A-Rope.

Sing Along

2009-06-01T16:36:00.004-04:00

My first thought on this was "Now there's an overdue idea! A bulletproof karaoke stage!" City lights add show biz dazzle, the spotlight is warm on center stage, the microphone conveniently wired into the wall and hanging ready for the next singer. Yer up!

Unlike his squick for exposed toilets, Mr. Hopper approves of performance showering. If we landed in this hotel room set-up, he'd find a way to make popcorn in the tiny courtesy coffee pot and settle in for the show. All this Pigeon can think of is the central air conditioning swirling into those open sides to freeze my shivering bottom. One wonders if the throne sits just outside the lower edge of the frame, and if it's cleverly designed like a bar stool for the night's focus-stealing MC.

A Peaceful Oasis

2009-05-31T19:28:00.007-04:00

VROOOOOOM!

Jayden, please don't ride your Big Wheel through Mommy and Daddy's Martha Stewart Living open-air toileting and bath area. You're spoiling the pastoral charm.

VROOOOM! MOMMY'S POO POO STINKY!

Yes Jayden, of course it is. Isn't that a good enough reason to go play somewhere else?

VROOOOOM!

Ouch! You rode over Mommy's toes! You take your Big Wheel out of here right now, or no Pirate's Booty for three days!

MOMMY FLUSH PLEASE!

In My Own Little Corner

2009-05-31T19:15:00.007-04:00

According to the source, these cozy door-free cubbies directly faced the side of the queen-sized bed in this hipster Times Square flop house-a-go-go. A vacationing frat boy with good aim could arguably hit somewhere near the vicinity of the target while sprawling on the edge of the bed. I'm mystified by the glowing golden pane embedded in the shower wall. Is it a sun-simulating light box that benefits users on both sides of the partition? I sure hope that ceiling fan works.

Open Source Bathroom

2009-05-31T17:37:00.007-04:00

It all began in a posh boutique hotel in New York City...

The Stool Pigeon loves to travel, and together with my partner, the always-game Mr. Hopper, we see some interesting hotel rooms. But it wasn't until we finally discovered a certain travel discounting website that lets you name your price but not your hotel that we found ourselves staying in much fancier digs than than the likes of us could otherwise afford. Look! A kitchenette! A hair-dryer that actually works! A...a...a glass-walled bathroom...

So this is what the rich folks do. Um, avert your eyes, won't you, darling?

Investigating with the gang down at TripAdvisor.com, it turns out that high-visibility glass-walled potties, and completely open bathrooms/toilets without walls, are the chic new bling for high-end hotel rooms, luxury condos and apartments, fashionable resorts and professionally decorated homes in many of the world's trendy cities and suburbs. In an era when our privacy is chipping away faster than the paint on the Pigeon's tragically un-hip enclosed bathroom's ceiling, some interior designers somewhere decided that, in the spirit of sharing, we need to spend more time watching each other use the toilet.

This blog shines a hot studio spotlight on the cultural drift toward the ultimate over-share, the open bathroom, mostly from other hapless travelers' adventures. To kick things off, let's take a look at this showcase of a bathroom at the swelegant Golden Tulip in Jaipur, India. Note how the throne proudly faces the main area of the hotel room. The user doesn't even need to excuse herself from the conversation with her business travel roommate. Note also that the loo looks out upon a panoramic view of the city. Who needs a newspaper?